Code Groundhog
by MagusZero
Summary: The time travel fic is a common trope in the fandom. But what is often overlooked is Lelouch's traumatized mind from the canon timeline. He may have another chance, but he still can't protect those he cares for and pushes people away. He's forced to see her die over and over, but only by overcoming his fears of reaching out to others can he find the strength to carry on.


**(A/N) This was just an idea that occurred to me. I wrote it very quickly, in one sitting. It's more a series of snapshots across several time loops. I'm not particularly happy with the dialogue in Shirley and Lelouch's second conversation - it's too abrupt. That said, I did try to deliberately deconstruct some of the usual time travel fic tropes. So it's not my best work, and it will be left as a one-shot, but perhaps some of you will enjoy it anyway. I mainly wanted to get the idea down so that I could focus on other things.**

The Zero Requiem. The world was united in hatred of the Demon Emperor, Lelouch vi Britannia, who would soon die by Zero's blade, giving it a hopeful future. It would finally be the gentle world that he had long fought for, where Nunnally, Kallen, the student council, the Black Knights, and the long oppressed masses would have peaceful lives.

But more than any of that, the Zero Requiem was his way of atoning for his sins. So many lives had been destroyed because of him, especially those close to him.

There had been his first love and half sister, the gentle Euphemia, whose mind and reputation he had destroyed with a few thoughtless words. At last she would be exonerated, and the guilt placed where it belonged, with the Demon Emperor.

There had been Shirley, the friendly girl who should have never gotten caught up in any of it. Yet he had killed her father and it was only after erasing her memories of him that he realized what she had meant to him, how many times her smile had saved him, and how he might have loved her. She came to fall in love with him all over again, and for a short time, they had been a couple, thanks to Milly. When she regained her memories, she had wanted to help him, but was fatally wounded by his fake brother, Rolo. As Shirley lay dying before his eyes, she forgave him for everything and told him that no matter how many times she was reborn she would keep falling in love with him. Lelouch knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness.

Even Rolo had sacrificed himself to save him when the Black Knights turned on him, and he had to fool Kallen into thinking she was just a pawn to save her. His fake brother had done so even when he had raged at him just a short time before in the aftermath of Nunnally's apparent death in the F.L.E.I.J.A. explosion that destroyed the Tokyo Settlement. Even though Rolo had murdered Shirley, Lelouch couldn't find it in him to hate Rolo after that, and he had buried his brother himself.

He had been alone, estranged from his family, his classmates, his knights, his first friend Suzaku, and without Nunnally. Then he had learned that his mother, who he had sought to avenge, was alive and in on his father's plot to bring about Ragnarok, leading him to kill both of them with the help of the Collective Unconscious. Although he reached an understanding with Suzaku for the sake of the Zero Requiem, Nunnally had become his enemy in the final battle against Schniezel, and she hated him now.

And so he had chosen to die. It was fitting. The only ones who should kill were those who were prepared to be killed, and he had more than enough blood on his hands.

Suzaku's sword plunged into his chest, and after whispering a few words to his former friend, he tumbled down the ramp to where Nunally was chained below. He could feel her grasping his hand, saying that she loved him, while images of his friends flashed through his mind.

"Yes… I destroy the world… and I create it… anew."

And at last, his eyes closed, for what should have been the last time.

xXx

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" he could hear Rivalz asking next to him. "You kind of zoned out there for a second."

He was still alive? That couldn't be. Was this some sort of dying dream? And was that… the truck carrying C.C.? Or was everything that had come before the nightmare?

Moving mechanically, Lelouch found himself going through the motions of climbing up onto the truck and falling inside, just as he remembered it. But everything was just surreal. It was more realistic than any dream, but his head was a mess, traumatic memories and sorrow jumbled together, flashing before his eyes at random. It was like when he had regained his memories, except this time it felt as if they didn't belong, as if they were from someone else's life.

He encountered Suzaku, and the capsule opened, revealing the green-haired witch in the straitjacket, all while his mind continued to scream that this couldn't be real. Doubling over with his hands clutching his head, he screamed, unable to move.

He didn't even hear the Royal Guards, only a loud bang and pain as blood blossomed from his chest again, the agony all too fresh.

" _Nunally…."_

xXx

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" he could hear Rivalz asking next to him. "You kind of zoned out there for a second."

But… he had just died… again. His thoughts were still a mess, once again threatening to overwhelm him, but this time he managed to steel himself for what had to be done.

He could have chosen to turn away, to keep riding back to Ashford Academy with Rivalz. But that would mean turning his back on everything… the sacrifices he had made (or was it would make?)…. his dead friends…. and the contract he had made with C.C. He had told her that he would never regret it, that it had only started him down his path, and that everything else that had followed had been from his own decisions. And if he didn't start down that path, Kallen would certainly die in Shinjuku.

And so, guided by his memories, he made contact with C.C. and renewed his contract with her. As much as he would have liked to get Suzaku on his side from the start, there was not enough time to do so, and he knew Suzaku was still too obsessed with his ideas of justice as atonement to be persuaded to fight against Britannia at present.

Villetta Nu appeared in her Sutherland, as he knew she would. Villetta… she had caused so much trouble for him before. She was the one who approached Shirley, causing her to come to the docks, where she had seen Zero, and…. Villetta had also been one of his jailers at Ashford Academy when he had lost his memories. She had helped turn the Black Knights against him. If she ever were to remember seeing him here, it could ruin everything again.

So he decided to kill her.

Villetta fell limp to the ground. There was no question that she was dead; at his command, she had shot herself through the head after giving him the code to her Knightmare again.

He didn't feel anything about the murder. Well, Jeremiah would not react well to her death, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Lifting C.C.'s seemingly lifeless body into his arms, he climbed into Villetta's Sutherland. He had a battle to direct.

Once again, he organized the Shinjuku rebels over the radio, although this time he introduced himself to them as Zero. He couldn't help but have his misgivings; Oghi and the others would betray him again if they ever learned about his Geass. But the symbol of Zero was key to the peace he had worked for, and it had to start somewhere. Though really, his main priority for now was ensuring that both he and Kallen lived through the day. Once he was back at Ashford, he could take much-needed time to think.

The Lancelot appeared once more. He knew that as things stood, he could not hope to defeat the white knightmare; its technological superiority was far too great, and he was not performing at his best. He had recycled the same tactics that he had used against Clovis to great effect, but while the torrent of memories could no longer paralyze him, they still weighed heavily on his mind. So he opted for a tactical retreat, having the rebels escape with their knightmares behind a collapsing building while he dealt with Clovis personally. Still, the accursed machine was so fast that several units were disabled before they could get away.

But the path to the G-1 was clear. No matter what redeeming qualities Clovis might have possessed in the arts or being kind to his siblings, Lelouch could not forgive what he had done. Clovis had killed countless innocents, and for that he deserved to be killed.

C.C. had stirred by now. She seemed amused that he had brought her with him.

"I didn't take you as a necrophiliac."

"I'm not, C.C. Or should I say…" he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

Her eyes narrowed. "Where did you learn that name? I haven't told anyone that since…"

"That _is_ your name, C.C. You told it to me yourself in the Narita Mountains. Still, I suppose that to you, that hasn't happened yet."

"That's not fair, prying on a girl's secrets like that," C.C. pouted. "I'll make sure that this costs you later."

"I'm sure you will… probably by ordering lots of pizza on my card."

"So that is the power that I gave you?" she asked. "Doing your life over again so that you can get the outcome you wish for?"

"No. The Geass I obtained from my contract with you is Absolute Obedience. I have no idea why I'm here right now. By all rights, I should be dead. But that's not what's important now. Would you like to get your revenge on Clovis?"

She smiled. "I think we'll get along just fine."

xXx

"Lulu! Rivalz said that you ditched him and then got driven away in a truck! And you were out gambling again, weren't you? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

Lelouch felt his heart seize when he heard that voice.

"Sh-Shirley!"

"What happened, Lulu? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

Clovis's death hadn't fazed him this time around. He had known that the real challenge would come when he returned to Ashford, when he had to see _her_ again. But nothing could have prepared him for this. There she was, alive and well, unknowingly mocking him for his failures. His vision swam, and he could see the blood leaking out of her stomach as she lay on the cold floor, the red light of Geass weakly flickering in her eyes as he uselessly tried to keep her alive. There were happy memories too, but they were all too brief and could do nothing to assuage the guilt that he felt.

" _I can't let her get close to me again. Not her, not Kallen. C.C. would be fine, but she's immortal. Besides, she's my accomplice. She's important to me… but it's not the same way that I feel about Shirley_."

"Lulu? Are you even listening to me?"

"Um… yeah, you got me, Shirley. I got into a tight spot, but everything's okay now. I'll be more careful in the future."

Of course, he was lying. It was what he did best.

xXx

"This should be impossible," he told C.C. as she lounged around in his room, munching on pizza.

"Is it really less plausible than me not dying when I'm killed?"

"I used my Geass on the Collective Unconscious itself when I stopped the Ragnarok Connection! I asked it not to let the march of time stop! This sort of loop is exactly the sort of world that shouldn't be permitted, a closed, stagnant world!"

"Hmm… so you know about your parents' plan too. Then you must also know the truth about Marianne. Don't worry. I won't tell her, as long as you fulfill your contract with me."

"I'm not going to let you die, C.C. I've lost too many people precious to me already. But don't think I've forgotten our contract. It was to make your dearest wish come true. I'll show you the happiness you never had. Then you won't want to die."

"That's easy for you to say…. Still, I wonder…. You're like me, chained to this world without escape. Will you too yearn for death if this world keeps repeating itself? Or perhaps you've tried to kill yourself already and ended up back here."

"It wasn't like that!"

"So I was right. You have ended your own life before."

"Suzaku did it. It was agreed between us. It was to bring about a peaceful world, and so that we could both atone for our crimes. I ruled as a tyrant, and with my death, the people could move on to building a future together."

She chuckled. "Do you really think that the death of one person will solve all of the world's problems, that it will make people understand each other?"

"I put my faith in humanity's potential. It's not like my father's Ragnarok plan would make things better! It… it would be just like if everyone was Mao!"

C.C. frowned. "Well, you had best hope you don't encounter him then, he could-"

"I know. He will come, looking for you. He'll read my mind. And he'll know everything about how I beat him last time. I could erase my own memories of my encounters with him again, but then…"

"He'll go after Shirley again, and try to confuse her. Or else he'll take her hostage, if not Nunnally. He'll know just what…."

"You could send her away. Use your Geass, make her and her family move where Mao can't find them."

"I suppose you're right. She can't stay near me."

xXx

The Student Council was sad to see Shirley suddenly move away, but they accepted that sometimes people had to move with their parents. But then…

 _SCIENTIST's FAMILY MURDERED_

 _Joseph Fenette, his wife, and their only child, Shirley, 17, were found dead…. Terrorists are suspected to be involved._

No! She was supposed to be safe! And terrorists? He didn't believe that for a second. It had to be some sort of cover-up. But why?

Some digging, hacking, and extensive use of Geass eventually revealed that Joseph Fenette had been a scientist… on Code R. His sudden resignation had drawn suspicion from his superiors, and so he and his family had been silenced.

It was one thing to know that Shirley's father's had not been an innocent victim. But Shirley certainly hadn't known of the sorts of experiments that her father worked on. Why did they have to kill her?

And so he raged against Britannia with renewed fury. But his brutality shocked even the Black Knights, and his Geass ran wild. He tried taking over Britannia as its Emperor, but without Suzaku to aid him, the plan was doomed to failure.

xXx

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" he could hear Rivalz asking next to him. "You kind of zoned out there for a second."

He was back again. Had Britannia executed him? Or had the Emperor enslaved him until Ragnarok came to pass? He didn't know.

" _I practically killed Shirley myself,"_ he thought with horror. " _So I can't send her away."_

"You could break her heart like you say you did Kallen's," C.C. suggested later.

"That's not going to work. Even when I killed her father and erased her memory, she still fell in love with me."

"You're soft. You just don't want to hurt her."

Callously rejecting Shirley was one of the hardest things he had done. But it didn't just leave her in tears. The others on the student council were appalled by his wanton cruelty, and it damaged his relationships with them. Shirley was alive, but he was once again alone.

And once again, he lost his way into madness.

xXx

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" he could hear Rivalz asking next to him. "You kind of zoned out there for a second."

How many times had he relived the past? If he didn't know that C's World bore little resemblance to the afterlife that most people imagined, he would have thought that he was in Purgatory. But if this was further punishment for his sins, he accepted it gladly.

He was learning from each iteration. Eventually, he even managed to beat the Lancelot in Shinjuku, laying a masterful trap for Suzaku.

But he still couldn't protect those close to him.

He started experimenting with all of the variations that he could think of. Sometimes he killed Villetta, other times he let her live. He even tried sparing Clovis a few times, or purposefully being captured by him so that he could infiltrate and bring down the Empire from within. Jeremiah was a constant in that he would eventually come to his side, thanks to his loyalty, though the timing would vary.

Mao showed up plenty of times, and as Lelouch had feared, he was one of his most dangerous adversaries, learning from each encounter unless Lelouch erased his own memories. In most timelines, he had carefully avoided killing her father, in spite of his connection to Code R, but Mao found other ways to torment Shirley, preying on her insecurities or using her as bait. Once, he even just killed her outright out of spite.

And Rolo… he was a deadly adversary too. Sometimes, when Lelouch was too aggressive in pursuing the Geass Order, Rolo would transfer into Ashford Academy as Rolo Haliburton. Without any shred of brotherly affection, he was a remorseless killer, but the first time Lelouch couldn't help but see the little brother who had saved his life, causing him to fatally hesitate for a moment before Rolo's Geass flared. Other times, he was able to establish a bond with the young assassin, or ended up with him as a fake brother once more, turning him to an ally, though he had to be careful to avoid a repeat of Shirley's original murder.

But none of it seemed to work, and it wasn't just Shirley who would die. Sometimes, Kallen was killed in battle, or tortured to death by Britannia. Sometimes, he was unable to satisfy C.C., and she would help Charles complete the Ragnarok Connection. He tried Geassing the Collective Unconsciousness to let time flow again, but soon he was right back in Shinjuku. He usually prevented Nina from creating F.L.E.I.J.A., but if anything happened to Euphemia… It may not have been F.L.E.I.J.A., but in one timeline where Euphemia got caught in the crossfire, she managed to blow up much of the school with a smaller bomb she made with chemicals from the lab.

Lelouch found himself losing more and more of humanity each time, his Geass ran away sooner, and his goal seemed ever further away. He didn't even know if it was possible to end the loop he was stuck in.

"I told you," said C.C. "When you've lived as long as I have, and lose everyone you've ever cared for, life loses its meaning, and death becomes attractive. Yet neither you or I can die."

xXx

"Lulu, what's wrong? You haven't been to class or student council meetings lately. Everyone's worried about you."

"Thank you for concern, Shirley, but I'm fine."

"No, you're not, Lulu! Ever since that day you became separated from Rivalz… you've changed."

"There's nothing you can do to help, Shirley. You'll just get hurt if you try."

"Is that why you've been pushing everyone away? You can't go on like this, Lulu! Maybe you can't tell the others, but I want to be the one thing truthful to you, and I'll stand by you through whatever it is."

Those words… he hadn't heard them since Shirley had first died. He knew that he should refuse her again, but…

"What difference does it make now? Fine, Shirley, you win. But are you really sure you want to hear this?"

"I told you, I'm here for you."

"What would you do Shirley, if you had a second chance at life? No, not just a second chance… as many chances as you'd like? But no matter how many times you try, you can't protect what's important to you? There's nothing left but despair."

"That's not true, Lulu. Another day will come, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel. But, you can't mean-"

"I do. And that's not all of it. I'm not who you think I am, Shirley. I am Lelouch vi Britannia, 17th prince of the Empire, and I am the man who opposes Britannia. I am Zero."

"But why?"

"That's a long story… and not important now. Why do you keep falling in love with me? Even after you learn that I'm Zero…. even if I've erased your memories, or killed your father, you keep forgiving me! And no matter how many times you die because of me, you keep loving me in every cycle! Why can't you find someone else, Shirley! You don't deserve me! You deserve far better! I'm a liar, a murderer, and I can't protect you!"

"Lulu… please don't say those things. You're a good person."

"I'm not!"

"You help others without thought of reward … you dote on your little sister… Zero… he protects the weak, doesn't he?

"Propaganda! I'll use anyone to achieve my goals! And Zero, he's good about protecting the weak… except when entire cities are buried or blown up because of his mistakes!"

"But that hasn't happened yet."

"It has! You just don't remember any of it!"

"You care about me, Lulu. That's not a lie. You wouldn't be trying so hard to push me away if you didn't. And I can't help it if I love you. As you say, no matter how many times I'm reborn, I'd still fall in love with you. Love is power. It gives us the strength to face each new day. I don't pretend to understand exactly what you're trying to do as Zero, but you're trying to make the world a better place, right? For Nunnally?"

"It started for her, yes. I don't know why I bother now."

"I told you. It's love! That's why you carry on, no matter how much it hurts! But you're at your breaking point, Lulu. You can't shoulder everything by yourself!"

You're right, Shirley. I was at my breaking point. You may have saved me yet again. And I've never thanked you for it."

xXx

"The power of the King will condemn you to loneliness. Surely you must have realized this by now."

"You're wrong, C.C. Geass is like a wish, not just for me, but for every person, all striving toward a better future. I choose to face that future with her at my side."

"What, I'm not good enough for you?"

"You've been an invaluable help, and my trusted accomplice through every cycle, C.C., and for that I thank you. But without Shirley, I always lose my way. But it's not just her. One day, we'll return to Ashford Academy, and Kallen and all of the others will be there too."

"And what if it's all for nought, and the cycle continues, undoing all that you have achieved?

"It will end one day. And until then, I will cherish every moment I have with my friends, and all of the memories I have of them."

"Maybe there's hope for you after all."

xXx

Church bells rang throughout Pendragon.

"All hail, Emperor Lelouch!"

"All hail, Empress Shirley!"

Alongside the newlyweds were their knights, a Black Knight with fiery hair and an orange cyborg. The Third Princess and her knight were also present, and while the Second Princess seemed to a little less than pleased with everything, she couldn't dampen Euphy's happiness. Prime Minister Schniezel stood dutifully by the side, and the Emperor's little sister was nearby, accompanied by her maid, and a young man who was almost a brother to the Emperor now. There was also a green-haired woman that few knew about, save for the rumors that she was either one of the Emperor's mistresses, or one of his closest advisors. And of course, the rest of the student council members of Ashford Academy were present, along with the bride's parents. Also present were foreign dignitaries, such as Chairwoman Sumeragi of the U.F.N. and Prime Minister Oghi of the United States of Japan.

It hadn't been easy, taking many tries to reach, and there were still those in Britannia who clung to the old ways. Plenty of blood had been spilled along the way, and without a single focus for the world's hatred, there would still be conflicts. But it was still a gentler world, and the Black Knights, now an international organization, would help keep the peace, while Lelouch was now the just ruler he had pretended to be at the start of his first reign. More importantly, Lelouch had finally managed protect those he cared for, and would move into the future with them.

Shirley had stood by his side since he revealed himself to her, through each successive loop, his pillar of strength and guiding light. There had been rough patches, and she was under no illusions as to the crimes Lelouch had committed to get here, and her own accessory role in them, but it was all over now.

As for Code R, the program had been shut down, and it had hurt Shirley to learn of her father's involvement in it, but if she could forgive a demon like Lelouch, she could forgive her own father, who had always been kind to her. Many of the scientists, Mr. Fenette included, had been granted pardons as a show of mercy and so their talents could be directed to more constructive purposes.

Lying down in their bed after the ceremony, the new Empress asked her husband, "This is like a dream come true, Lulu. But will it last?"

"It will. There will be a new tomorrow, for both of us."

And there was.


End file.
